Keeping The Madness

I can never be left alone by this…

Even though that I have a declared heart. I keep meeting the same person. Just a different past and a different story. It is like the first time I met her, wondering about clueless, asking for direction.

“Temple?” She asks. I can’t help but stare at her comfortably. Her height matches mine this time; Her eyes look like morning gazes after a wakened night.

“Yes this weekend.”

It had been a full day, everytime that I am tired by my love, she is there, someway to take the weight off my heart. Spent three hours staring at a row of meditating statues. Her lain back in my lap.

“We could never get this right…-“

?! Did she just slip?

Her neck was fully exposed, listening to my heart. Her smell. Her scent. This was something ingrained in my being that I could pick out who she was in a crowd. I wanted to taste her again.

“Not here, we have way to much company.”

As we leave she seemingly takes her time pacing herself to my footsteps. Often walkng ahead a few steps and looking back.

“I always remembered that I had a hard time keeping up with you.”

?! Did she do it again?

“Back when I was younger you used to wait for me to catch up. I would try and keep your pace but it would aways be so difficult.”

“Wait when did I do that?”

“Back at the Shop.”

Keep moving.

“What will you have?”

“The Indonesian Chicken Wrap”

-again!?

“…two-“.

that is really odd.

“You know, I could never finish one of these. But they are so really- good!”

She grabs the wrap and finds a seat at a bench together. Out of the corner of my eye I can see her comparing the wrap to her leg.

That’s it. Ask her damnit. That is way to many things happening today.

“Whats wrong?” she asks.

“Nothing.”

ITS YOU AGAIN! WHY ARE YOU HERE AGAIN!?

“Nothing? I can see your eyes. You are blaming me for something. I have no part of that mister.”

Asking… Now.

“I’ve been having deja vu all day. I feel like I have known you in and out of my life. And it creeps me out. You say things that aren’t from your experiences and I am not quite sure or remember you very well…-

Lightly now

…how did we meet again?”

“We, met at the shop. I was thirteen and rolling balls; it was your second or third time rolling. I got kicked out of the Shop cause of my I.D. You drove me home to Salt Lake and we walked around my house watching the moon. You used to walk ahead of me and keep looking back if I was ok.”

“This was six years ago?”

“Yep. Why what did you think I was?”

“…”

“Liar”

“I have issues ok. I have a problem. I just thought that you were an embodiment of someone I used to share something with. You hit every note and character but you are not her. You know how people are haunted by spirits, ghost, or even demons? I am not. I am haunted by a Goddess.”

-Iamanidiot-

“Yep. You got a problem alright.”

It is YOU.

Hawaii is going to be connected to the other end of the world.

Literally strait down this pond to the other.

I am going to be the cause.

I need a new cover story.

Fuck.
My.
Life.

Test Yourselves People. Know what you take.

I suppose that it is my last run.

I been trying to keep a lid on things. But news of my efforts are being mentioned everywhere.

 ::sigh:: Here comes the stress that I can’t share with anyone. Here comes the weight, that all the happiness that everyone hopes for in my grasps; are still out of my own.

I fucked up so bad, its really starting to get hard to wake up in the morning. It is as if I am really dead. No dreams, no looking forward to a new day; no real hug that can squeeze that horror out of me.

For my son. I’ll do this quietly. You mustn’t know my trials… Just know that I want to share a smile with you.

I need to breathe… the pressure is just to much. breathe. risk is higher. Death had been on the rise this year.

You are listening to it before you sleep. You can’t help but listen to the words much more carefully. It’s real.